May is kind of a special month for me. Something about it just seems extra nice, like a breath of fresh air. It’s the height of Spring, flowers are blooming, the weather isn’t too hot nor too cold, and people seem to smile more easily.
That, or just the fact that it’s the month when I celebrate my birthday.
One of those. Definitely.
Anyways, as this is a special month to me, I want to write down some equally special things I’d like to do this month. Goals to achieve, you might say. Lately, sadness has been my companion and I’d like to take it as an inspiration to make some changes in the coming days.
Finally have a birthday celebration that makes me happy
I’m starting off with the most important goal, because, why wait? This is something that I have been struggling with for so many years, I don’t even remember when it started being a problem anymore. My birthdays.
I used to laugh it off and say that I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday. I didn’t care. I didn’t even like getting older every year, so why celebrate? But, actually, that’s just something my brain told me I wanted, just so I didn’t have to face what was really happening.
To no one’s surprise, what was happening was that I was scared. Scared that I’d throw a party and no one would come. Scared that I had so few friends, those who actually came would leave and laugh at me for having so few people who actually liked me. So yeah, birthday celebrations are kind of like that time of the year where the only way to keep my facade of perfect girl who is fine on her own and lacks nothing is put to the test. And the only way to avoid it is to not celebrate at all.
This year will be the first year I will go against the current. I’m not scared like I was before, although all of those things I listed above are still insecurities of mine. No, because what younger me never realized was that it’s not about how many people celebrate with you, it’s about who celebrates with you that matters. (I know it sounds corny but it really is true, I mean who would want to celebrate with people who were gonna badmouth you once they left? Surely not this version of me.)
I already have a few ideas about how I want to celebrate. The key part is, I want to share my time with not only my favorite people but also on my own. So, I have a few plans that go beyond just my actual birth day. If they go through, I will be really fucking happy!
Tell people what my favorite thing about them is
I always look back on the times when seemingly out of nowhere, someone gives me a compliment about something that is so uniquely me. When that happens, I’m left with no doubt whatsoever that they really mean what they say.
Said heavenly beings made up of sunshine (that’s what I’m calling everyone who’s ever done this to me from now on) haven’t felt pressured to do so by the situation, nor did they expect a compliment in return. They just blurted it out because it felt right.
These are the best compliments. The ones that stick with us and give us that extra shot of motivation when we need it.
Why not, then, do it for others? People I find deserving of a compliment. I will try my best to think of something unique to them, something that truly sets them apart from others and makes them special to me. Then watch that look on their faces as they, for a second, wonder if they forgot today was their birthday.
Hopefully, I’ll be responsible for a few extra smiles!
Develop my first photography film
My most recent love is analog photography. I got a really cool camera at a street market for a bargain price (I smile tenderly at it every night before sleep), I loaded a 35mm film roll into it and I’ve been taking pictures hoping for the best. My aim is to start having photo albums at home like the old days, but have each one have a different theme and hold different future memories.
This first one is a reflection of my world now, my perspective. The things I love the most. The things I find most beautiful.
I can’t wait to have them all in my hands (and if they suck a little then that will have its own charm won’t it?)
Give myself a gift
Well, it’s my birth month anyway isn’t it? How about not only making others smile but also making myself smile? Take this opportunity to give myself a gift I would otherwise not get. Something different. Something special.
(I know just the thing. Shhhh.)
Post my video
I’ve been wanting, yearning, dreaming of making a video for a long time now. I planned it, I went out and recorded for it. I even edited it. But you know when you’re perfectly content with something you’ve created, only to watch someone else’s and feel like yours is complete shit? Yeah, that happened.
Truly, I don’t actually think my video is shit, only that it needs some improvements. And I know this is my perfectionist self speaking here, and I am getting dangerously close to those times when I keep altering and perfecting stuff into infinity (or, well, until I give up on them). So I’m limiting myself to one shot at making changes. Kind of like a company would do to a client. After that, I have to upload this bitch of a video. And be damn proud of it.
So, there you go. Five goals for the fifth month of this year – like that isn’t cliche at all. What fate awaits me in May, I wonder? Alternatively, what are your goals for this coming month? Let me know and let’s cheer each other on!