Recently, I found myself not being able to create content for Amazing Korean, my dear lovely blog that I love to bits. Or rather, I did create – I wrote posts, edited pictures, even recorded videos (something you’ll know if you’ve been keeping up with me on Instagram). My mind never stopped reeling with ideas. And yet, none of them ended up seeing the light of day.
When the time came to share them with you, I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t satisfied with anything I was making. On the one hand, I was desperate to make something, fearing that with each day that passed, it was more and more likely that my blog was going to be forgotten. But on the other hand, I didn’t feel like what I was making was worth being shared.
Being stuck between these two opposing ideas drove all of my motivation and inspiration away. I became fucking frustrated as fuck with myself. Desperate. Annoyed. I want to do something really bad, and I can’t! It was my nightmare transforming into reality.
Looking for the cause of my creative block
After the initial feelings described above simmered down, I started to wonder. Is this just a creative block? Or is it something else altogether?
I was committed to discovering the source of my problem. Because my blog is one of the most important things to me right now, it gives my life genuine joy, and I wasn’t about to just let it go.
First things first, I didn’t open any article or video that promised to give me the answer to my problem. Like those we see everywhere with titles like “HOW TO GET RID OF CREATIVE BLOCK IN 0.7654 SECONDS!”. Don’t look at me like that, I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. The internet has no shortage of those.
The reason why I chose not to do this was because I’ve done it a million times in the past and it never actually made any difference to me in the long run, and they never worked exactly like that title promised. This time, I wanted to look inwards, and find my own way out of this strayed path.
So instead, I went looking for stories of other people who also started projects on their own, doing something they really love to do. I wanted to feel their inspiration and their passion, hoping to be reminded of my own – why I started this in the first place. Because it seemed to me that my real issue was that somewhere along the way I lost what it was that gave me purpose. I was just doing things for the sake of having something done. And that’s just not respectful for neither me nor the people with whom I share what I create.
I also asked for my friends opinions. I started to look at my life with more observant eyes, questioned why I am the way I am, what motivates what I do in my life that has nothing to do with my blog. After all, what I write should reflect what motivates my life too, shouldn’t it? For it to be something that sincerely comes from my heart, and worthy of being shared.
That’s where I think I will find my voice.
After a while of doing this, I reached 3 conclusions. 3 things I knew I would have to figure out how to approach from now on in the context of my blog.
1. I was worrying too much about numbers
Like how many views I’m getting, how many followers I’m gaining, how I can optimize my posts to attract more clicks, and so on. Articles from fellow bloggers about this are everywhere, titles like “HOW TO GET 72636351763 VIEWS ON YOUR FIRST POST!” that, when you’re reading, get you really pumped up and motivated, feeling like you can conquer the world. But then you try and you don’t even come close to what that person achieved, and you feel like a complete fucking failure.
(Not to say that all posts of the like don’t have value, but I expect we all know the world isn’t exactly black and white and when I say this, I don’t mean every single post on the internet)
I ate that shit up, though. I wanted to strive to those standards. To have successful posts first and foremost. Writing what has great value to me was also a worry of mine, of course, but it ended up going from the top of my priority list to some place near the middle. I ended up stretching myself too thin trying to please others with what I assumed they wanted to see, to achieve practically unachievable results for a newbie blogger like me. And then it led to disa-fucking-pointment.
2. I’m growing up and changing but my blog wasn’t
With growth, comes change. My priorities and my focus are no longer what they were a year ago. I’m finding out what really matters to me, where I want my life to go, who I am. Don’t get me wrong, it’s hard as fuck to do this; but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
The content I was (attempting) to create for my blog just didn’t accompany this shift in focus and growth. While in my life I am discovering new things, and learning so much about the world and myself, on my blog I have been trying to talk about completely different things. Not to say that studying Korean isn’t still important to me, because it really is. It’s just not what I want to focus my voice on anymore.
3. I want who I am to help who you are
Vana Feliciano said this in a podcast from That Hummingbird Life that I listened to recently. When I heard her say it as something she strived to be, I felt like someone had finally put into words what I’ve been trying to express for so long. There it is, in 10 simple words.
I want who I am to help who you are
When who I am helps someone else in some way, whether by giving them a little bit of inspiration or a push toward making a decision that will ultimately improve their life, that’s when I feel true accomplishment and joy. It’s a feeling unlike any other.
As I said before, I am growing and learning so much about life and myself. They say happiness is only real when shared. I think this applies to so much more. What I’m learning, and my blooming experience, will only be truly valuable if it inspires others too.
After thinking about these three things, I decided that Amazing Korean needs to evolve along with me. It has to always be a sincere and heartfelt reflection of who I am and what I have of value to share with the world. Only this way will it be deserving of both yours and my attention and love.
So, it will evolve. It will no longer be focused on sharing my experience with learning Korean.
My goal is that this blog becomes a place where you and I can have conversations about who we are – our good and bad parts.
I hope this becomes a place where you and I both feel comfortable in sharing our insecurities and struggles but also our moments of joy and inspiration.
Where we accept that we are all flawed human beings who make mistakes, and fail. And we’ll be here too cheer each other on to try again next time!
And, maybe, my experiences will inspire you. Yours, in turn, will inspire mine.
Have you ever experienced creative block? How did you get back to creating?